Soul Searching

Have you ever wondered what your life would be like if you chose another path?  Who would be around you, what accomplishments would you have, what would you base your importance on?  I have thought about this many times throughout my life. What if...?  Although I have experienced many hardships, trials, miracles, and joy, I know now that the path has already been mapped out, I just need to navigate my choices in right direction.  That's the hard part.

I am a typical woman.  I have a loving husband, great friends, a wonderful family, motivation to succeed and a loving heart. I may even be typical in saying that I have always felt a void in my life.  A strong void, yet I had to search hard to get to the root of it. My void was the void of worthiness.  Early life circumstances brought this void on, but it was my choice to keep it going.  The void became so strong during times of grief, hardship, and disappointment that I often felt as if my body would no longer function.  The void was deep, and still peeks it's little head out once in a while.  

I reached my lowest void on my 21st birthday.  I lost someone that was a piece of me.  Someone that I always needed to fill this void.  My soul was empty.  

Have you ever had an out of body experience, where you are so wrapped up in your emotions that you feel as if you are staring straight at yourself?  Grief can do that to you.  Sorrow can change the way that you look at life and even yourself.  It can drown you, if you aren't careful.  It can also open your eyes to things that you have never seen before.

This is my journey to finding peace.  To finding that "piece" of me that was missing.  Although I cannot replace what has been lost, I have found a love and peace that I had never searched for, but something I always subconsciously longed for.  

I found the Lord.