Happy Birthday Baby Girls!

I started this blog a few years ago when I felt my faith growing as a believer. Looking back I cannot even begin to explain how much my faith has grown over the past two years.

Monday is my baby girls' first birthday. It's been a year already! I feel excited and a little sad that time as gone by so quickly. So many memories have been created this year that I will hold in my heart forever. My little angels or "monkeys," as I like to call them, have forever changed my life. I thank God for them today, for teaching me how to love unconditionally and hold on to a faith that can truly move mountains. Man, I just adore them so much!

April 11, 2010 was the first day of their life. Looking back, I can't believe that I really only saw them for maybe a minute on their actual "birthday." 10 weeks early, 3 lbs each, IVs, ventilators, incubators, trials, trials & more trials, my girl's fought and we fought through our biggest faith journey to date. It's hard to imagine that they were ever that fragile, that small but so strong at the same time. They were and are just so beautiful.

Hannah Grace- 1 day old Emma Lee- 1 day old

There are so many memories that are forever wrapped up in my heart from this year. The girl's first day home, first smiles, kisses, giggles, snuggles, claps, & words all overwhelm me when I wake up to two smiling, well most of the time, faces each morning. I could not be more blessed, and I mean it! I live in the joyous moments, but I also remember the difficult ones. I remember how tiny they were, their struggles to eat & breathe on their own, the news of the hemorrhage in Hannah's brain, having to leave them each night in the hospital & the uncertainty and desperation I felt as a mom watching her babies struggle. I remember the faith of family, friends, & strangers for God to heal our girls and watching Him do it daily. Looking back at how much the girl's have grown, how many hurdles they have surpassed, and how much joy they radiate just amazes me each day. God is just so good.

Emma Lee- 11 Months Hannah Grace- 11 Months

As we celebrate the birthday of our beautiful girls this year, we also want to celebrate and honor those that have touched their lives & ours, to which we are forever grateful. We thank God for trusting us with these girls & for keeping His healing hand on their lives, our family for all of the love you have poured out on them, our church family for endless prayers, standing with us in faith and continued love for them, friends that have stood by our side through the good & bad times, all those that prayed & had faith for our girls, our amazing nurses that comforted us when times seemed unbearable, Dr.'s that monitored our babies & everyone that continues to love and adore our little ones, we thank you for being such a huge part of their first year of life & of ours.

Happy First Birthday Baby Girls!

• Psalm 32:11

  Be glad in the Lord, and rejoice, O righteous, and shout for joy, all you upright in heart!

The road less traveled...

Mathew 7:33-34: "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of it's own."

I don't know about you, but faith is often my road last traveled. Just think about it. You grow learning that everything must be "proved" to be correct and accurate, otherwise it's merely a theory or hypothesis. When the idea of faith comes in, it halts this academic perception that all things must be clear.

Sure, you have faith in your family and friends, but are you really trusting their care with all of your life circumstances. That would be a lot of pressure to put on one person. Sometimes this faith in people can cause huge expectations, which tend of shatter so easily.

I feel that I am in a time of continuing growing and stretching in my faith in God. It was easy for me to believe in the Lord, but when the time came to trust His will and provisions for my life, it suddenly became a mountain. Does that mean that my journey through Christianity is hypocritical or still blossoming? It's easy to praise God in good times, but look for your own solutions in the bad. Don't underestimate the Lord's love for your life and His shield of protection that is waiting just around the corner.

The road less traveled is often the journey that changes your life. Look for God in those quiet times, listen for his words, pray and often your answers may be right before your eyes. God is good, and seeing his work is incredible and life altering.

Soul Searching

Have you ever wondered what your life would be like if you chose another path?  Who would be around you, what accomplishments would you have, what would you base your importance on?  I have thought about this many times throughout my life. What if...?  Although I have experienced many hardships, trials, miracles, and joy, I know now that the path has already been mapped out, I just need to navigate my choices in right direction.  That's the hard part.

I am a typical woman.  I have a loving husband, great friends, a wonderful family, motivation to succeed and a loving heart. I may even be typical in saying that I have always felt a void in my life.  A strong void, yet I had to search hard to get to the root of it. My void was the void of worthiness.  Early life circumstances brought this void on, but it was my choice to keep it going.  The void became so strong during times of grief, hardship, and disappointment that I often felt as if my body would no longer function.  The void was deep, and still peeks it's little head out once in a while.  

I reached my lowest void on my 21st birthday.  I lost someone that was a piece of me.  Someone that I always needed to fill this void.  My soul was empty.  

Have you ever had an out of body experience, where you are so wrapped up in your emotions that you feel as if you are staring straight at yourself?  Grief can do that to you.  Sorrow can change the way that you look at life and even yourself.  It can drown you, if you aren't careful.  It can also open your eyes to things that you have never seen before.

This is my journey to finding peace.  To finding that "piece" of me that was missing.  Although I cannot replace what has been lost, I have found a love and peace that I had never searched for, but something I always subconsciously longed for.  

I found the Lord.